This story is from December 23, 2009

In the name of the father

TARUNYA SURESH / TNN / Dec 23, 2009, 00:00 IST

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When it comes to preventing teen sex, there is no better deterrent than a doting dad, says a study.

He��s become so secretive and moody and just wants to be with his friends all the time.
She��s become so argumentative and abusive. Sounds like the collective voice of parents with teenage children? Well, parenting a teen can be a minefield. Especially, when it comes to dishing out the dope on the birds and the bees, parents often are at a loss of ideas as to how to deal with their teenagers.
But help is at hand in the form of a recent study which states that teenagers whose fathers are more involved in their lives are less likely to engage in risky sexual activities. The more attentive the dad and the more he knows about his child��s friends, the bigger the impact on the teen��s sexual behavior, say the researchers.
How true does this hold in today��s scenario? Says family counsellor Bhavani Sivaraman, ��While an involved mother can also help stave off a teen��s sexual activity, dads have twice the influence. This is primarily because there is a difference in the way a child reacts to their father. While a mother is more of a confidante, a dad is still seen as the man of the house and is often found to be more intimidating and powerful. A teenager is more likely to fear their father and this affects their judgment call when it comes to indulging in sex.��

Meghana Sriram, a 17-year-old college student, says that she is closer to her dad than her mom. ��My dad and I go everywhere together, be it lunch, shopping or movies. In fact, I first tasted alcohol and smoked a cigarette with him. Our closeness has greatly influenced my choices in life. He knows that I have a boyfriend, but I will never flog the line when it comes to responsibility. For me, it��s not the fear of him, but the respect I have for him, because he has given me all the freedom in the world and has always encouraged me to make informed decisions,�� she says.

However, many teenagers feel that one reason why they are not close to their fathers is because they are scared of disappointing them. Karthik Sreevatsan, a 19-year-old college student says, ��I wouldn��t say that I��m close to my dad. I��m probably more scared of him than anything else. If my father did play an active role in bringing me up as a kid, then maybe we would have been closer. I don��t think I would ever discuss my sex life with him or ask him for advice.��
Experts agree and add that it is important for fathers to cultivate a trusting relationship with their kids, right from childhood. Says psychologist Nita Nair, ��With peer pressure rampant among teenagers, the role of the father in developing a rapport with their child is clearly more significant than the mother. The concern is that many sexually active young people aren��t using protection, a contributing factor in rising teen birth rates worldwide.��
So, how can this be avoided? ��Well, the more time a father spends with his children, the less time they��re going to be on their own in places where they can get into risky behaviour. Also, if you spend time talking to them, they��re going to get your values and they��re more likely to think things through rather than act impulsively,�� she says in conclusion.

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